School, Schmool
November 6th, 2010
So here I am, beginning my SEVENTH week of the quarter. 7th! That means I only have to get through FOUR more weeks! One more measly little month… phew.
I was “called out” of sorts the other day about my school jibber jabber. I was told, “You’re not being forced to go back to school. You chose to do this. So why you be complaining about your choice all the time?” (to which I got huffy and said, “Poo poo on you!” … works every time!)
A few things on that… one, I’m sorry if you’re tired of my “complaining” about school. But writing about it and talking about it really helps me process and cope through it. So just consider your listenin’ ears (or eyes) my free therapy. I’m a po’ college kid again, I can’t afford a shrink!
I feel like I’ve gone through trial by fire, especially these past couple weeks. I’m followed by a large cloud of doom all the time and if I’m not studying or (on the rare occasion) I’m out, I can’t fully BE where I am. Sure, I engage, and I laugh and talk, but all the while in the back of my mind I’m constantly thinking about how behind I am, and that I really should be studying now.
I’ve shed many many tears over all this the past couple weeks… The poor SCB is becoming used to comforting me at night and telling me that everything’s going to be ok, and reminding me that I’m doing actually very well in school, and that, no, he’s not feeling the burden of the increased other tasks since I can’t do them anymore… Seriously, he’s a saint and I would not have been able to do it alone.
And when I’m really feeling down about school,which normally happens on the days that I work, which mean a WHOLE DAY gone SANS studying, and that part really kills me… oy (oh yes, and I have unfortunately shed my fair number of tears AT WORK too… I’ve become the “crying work girl!” No one ever wants to be her! How embarrassing!) Anyway, when I’m feeling really down and I’m praying for peace and the strength to get through this, I see a few scenarios of my life. Grad school is always included in the scenarios because like I’ve said, I’m very certain this is my path right no,w and was meant to happen at some point.
Scenario 1: Go to grad school directly after undergrad. Problem: In my field, you need practice to be a practitioner. Going to grad school right after I graduated would not have awarded me with any of the skills I have now from working over 3 years in the field.
Scenario 2: Go to grad school later when we have kids. Problem: hahahahaha do you see ANYTHING right about this? I can’t even take care of one man. Throw in a couple bambino’s in there and school is out the door.
Scenario 3: Go to grad school without the Hus in the picture. I would have less responsibilities and not a husband as a priority. Problem: Putting off our relationship and our wedding was never an option. And see above how I really would not be able to do it without him.
So really, now IS the best time to go back to school. I’ve got the most supportive husband in the world, no kids and am an experienced practitioner. School would’ve sucked anyway, anytime I went. So now I’m just grateful for no bambino’s, the Mister and that we can afford school and me being part time.
Now I’m just trying to figure out my balance over the next month of planning Thanksgiving and Christmas, my Mister’s birthday, making and sending Christmas cards, getting my immunizations and malpractice insurance before December for when I start clinicals in January, and getting through more papers, projects and finals.
4 weeks to go. 18 months till graduation.
One of the few nights I was allowed out. He allowed me to eat that day too 
