Life on the West Side

It’s Saturday night and after a long day of studying at the library, I just want to finish the books at home and hang with my maaayyyn.

My Mister wants to have people over for movie night and drinks.

I’m not interested in hanging with people at all. Call me anti-social, but that’s how things are floating these days.

So instead, he plans on meeting friends OUT, while I drop him off at the bar and walk myself to the Barnes & Noble across the street.

He really wanted to have people over. I really wanted to study in peace.

Guess that’s why they call it compromise… funny, I always thought “compromise” meant, “your wife is always right.”

…sigh. I guess I’m learning in this marriage thing.

Plus the promise of Golden Spoon frozen yogurt after my study session/his beer session  helped me “compromise” a little easier.

Since we’ve been married, I’ve gotten asked a few times, “How did you know Merrick was THE ONE?’

The short, cliche answer: I just knew. When ya know, ya know.

There obviously is A LOT that goes into a relationship and deciding who’s who, and I by no means am any relationship guru. All I know is what I’ve learned in my few short years of being in loooooove. I love that foo’ to death, and sometimes I swear he is leading me to an early death. Even so, I wouldn’t trade him for a second and I’ve never once doubted he’s THE ONE for me. However, there are a few tangible things that helped me pinpoint my life partner:

-No doubt. With the right one, the right relationship, there’s never a doubt about it. There’s not a nagging feeling in the back of your mind that something isn’t right. I’ve noticed a number of people in serious long term relationships who want to make it work so bad. And they try and try and try, but it’s not meant to be. I think all too often people in the wrong relationships try and convince themselves it’s the right one, or reassure themselves all the fights and tears and drama are “normal.” Now obviously the fights and tears come with the right relationship too, but the drama is minimal. Plus when you’re fighting with THE ONE, you work harder to fix the fights – you apologize quicker and try to be better. If there’s even a hint of doubt, that’s not the right relationship

-Fear and worry vs fear and excitement: There’s something scary about deciding to spend the rest of your life with someone. But if there is actual fearfulness of spending the.rest.of.every.live.long day with that person, that’s not right.  Was I  scared when I realized Merrick and I were meant to be? Absolutely. But a good scared. Not fearful-for-my-future-and-well-being-and-happiness, but scared of the unknown. But I was also just so damn excited to START my life with him, and forever couldn’t come fast enough. I wasn’t at all scared I’d be “missing out” or of  getting locked down too soon. I wasn’t worried I made the wrong choice. I wasn’t upset I hadn’t “sown all my wild oats.” I was excited to have all the experiences with him.

You want to share your life: I’ve heard people’s responses when asked, “Think you’ll marry him?” and she says, “I don’t want to get married, I want to travel and see the world.” When you’re with the right person, you still want to travel and see the world, but you want to see the world WITH your partner. Traveling and other “single” activities become meaningless unless you have that ONE to share it with.

-They make you want to be a better person: Merrick is so much of a better person that I am. He is incredibly patient and generous and non-judgmental, etc etc… Often times, I feel so beneath him in all of his qualities, but instead of him berating me for my lack of patience, he is sweet and loving and inspires me to be more patient. I find that I work harder to be like him and to be a good wife to him, to be the wife he needs me to be (that one’s a toughie…)

-They put up a good fight. I’m not a very good fighter. I get impatient (see above…), I interrupt, I cry, I throw tantrums… Merrick is a good fighter. He fights fair. No name calling or interrupting (most times…). Plus he doesn’t let me walk all over him. Who wants a door mat? As much as I love being right, I don’t want a “Yes” man.

-You don’t have to change: If you’re with the right person, they won’t expect you to change. They will you love you perfectly despite your imperfections. Now I’m sure as much as Merrick would love me to be less of a stress ball, he’s accepted me for my craze and loves me despite it.

-The big things line up: Agreeing on everything in a relationship would be boring and is unrealistic. But agreeing on the big ticket items is crucial. Health, money, religion and family are some non negotiables Merrick and I both agreed upon when we were dating. We had the same idea of healthy living, that saving money was important, that family comes first and above all – our faith. Although we may still have disagreements within those categories, like how much I NEED those new shoes or which family gets which holiday, our foundations about those things remain aligned.

-Cheese and camping: Merrick tells our friends, “When I found out Katie loved cheese and hated camping, that was it. I knew right then she was the ONE!” Sometimes, it is that simple