The after is easy – I got no job. I’m part of the “unemployed club” now, and I’m one step closer to being a “Real Housewife of Orange County.” (It’s why I went back to blonde…). When they looked at my application last year, they saw, “employed full time” and immediately threw out my paper without even giving me a chance to explain… Hopefully, this will be the year! (although I might need a little… ahem enhancement for them to consider me…)
The before:
So like I mentioned, I’ve known this has been coming for a while. School was my main priority last year and it was really difficult to work, even with cutting my hours to part time. Thankfully my manager was pretty flexible with my schedule, which made things easier, especially in the 2nd and 3rd quarters.
So this was my plan… work full time in the summer and go back to part time in the fall when school resumed. I think God likes when we make plans – I’m sure it gives him a great chuckle and a nice break amidst all His other hard work.
I talked to one of my friends in the program who was a year ahead of me, and I was asking her about the 2nd half of the program. She, like me, was a pediatric nurse and loved her job but felt school was really the priority. She told me “There’s no way you can work 2nd year.” I begged and pleaded with her and thought that I’d be different, I’d be able to work. I could do it all. And her response, “Yes, you could work and go to school and be a rock star. But what would you have to show for it? You’ll be tired, bitter, frustrated, and burnt out. All so you can say ‘I can do it all.’”
And I knew she was right. I knew something had to give, and I knew it was going to have to be my job.
So Merrick and I spent a long time considering our options, looking at our finances, praying and fretting (more me on the fretting part) and we came to the decision that I would not return to work in the fall once school got started again.
…And then I got a promotion. Awesome.
The promotion was awesome, the support and encouragement from the managers was awesome. The job itself was awesome. What wasn’t so awesome was the timing. Six weeks before I was supposed to leave, I get more money and more responsibility. That made me waiver on my decision to quit. No one knew I was quitting at that time (and honestly, I’m not sure I would have gotten promoted had they known I’d be skipping town in a little over a month) and everyone was hip-hip-hooraying about my new role.
But I stuck with my guns, what I knew was right in my heart. I accepted the promotion and only told 2 of my friends I was leaving. Then as it got closer to D-Day, I pulled my secretary into our equipment room and told her I only had 10 shifts left. We both started crying. We were stuck in this cold, tiny little room hugging and reflecting on the last 4 years.
Then I finally told my manager. I wrote up the official “Letter of Resignation” and met with her on a day I was working. This was the part I wasn’t looking forward to. She’d been so supportive during my transition to the new role, and we’d been working really well together since then. The whole morning I was nauseous, nervous, having palpitations and almost hyperventilating thinking about my meeting with her. I somehow got through a first meeting and then headed to meet the boss. I went into her office, closed the door and said, “I’m going to try not to cry…” which then of course triggered the tears. I told her I was putting in my notice and explained my reasons. Her mouth dropped open, her eyes got big and she just stared at me. It took her a minute to compose herself and she said, “I was not expecting this!” Then she got teary, which made me get more teary. She gave me a huge hug and said she fully supported my decision and that it would be CHOC’s loss.
I left her office feeling a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders. The palpitations calmed down, my tummy settled and I could finally breathe again. For some reason talking to the boss was my biggest fear, but it was completely unfounded because the meeting went great. I didn’t feel guilty or convinced that I should stay. I felt supported and peaceful.
Aside from the small handful of friends I would miss, I really didn’t think I’d be sad leaving. I really did just want to bow out quietly without anyone noticing until one day someone would say, “Where’s Katie, I haven’t seen her in a while…” and one of my friends in “the know” would tell them I’d left. But then I realized I couldn’t leave these people like that. I’ve learned so much from them, they’ve really taught me what it means to be a nurse and I had to thank them. So I started writing thank you notes to all of my coworkers. And that’s when I started getting really sad. Every card I wrote had a person behind it who gave me something during my time at that hospital. As much or as little as I liked them, I did care for all of them. They’d become my family – and even with family, you still love the ones that bug ya.
So although I was more sad to go than I thought, I also knew this was the best time to leave, on a high note. A happy note. With me looking back fondly on my time at CHOC. I know my friend was right, had I tried to stay, I would have been very unhappy. And then I would have left without ever looking back and carry a bitter memory of my time there.
Once again God’s perfect timing pulled me out at just the right moment.
And that brings us full circle, to the end, where I am currently unemployed and where that thought still scares the crap out of me.
